I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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