That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
