i barfeds in our rink
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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