Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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