So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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