one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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