Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
