I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
