So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
birth control should be required to get into college
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
