and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
