Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
