We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize