you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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