It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
