wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
