i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
