I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize