i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
