i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
