if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
