my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
