This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
