is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
