Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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