You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
