it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
