booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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