They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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