You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
nutella sex= disaster
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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