College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
