Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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