I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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