you win again, gameday.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
