Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it's like heaven, but drunker
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
