im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He passed out mid-signature
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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