she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
