I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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