every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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