I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
