just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
