Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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