Where did you get a picture of my penis
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
