On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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