He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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