She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
