He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
