Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize