remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
