I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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