Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
