shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
