i need an iv and a liver transplant
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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