singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Congratulations! We have a period
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
