I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
