I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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