Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize