I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize