shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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