i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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