all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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