Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
