drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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