How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
