I want to have your abortion
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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