You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
