and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
