What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
