I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
