Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
