I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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