I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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