That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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