I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
