Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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