theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
