Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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