So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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