he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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