A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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