We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
