I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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