can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
