I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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