I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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