You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
