Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
