I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
