you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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