I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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