No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
