If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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