Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
