they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
