we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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