After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
