At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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